Guff 7: Therapy Bots

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The Inscrutables #714: “Therapy Bot” by Arthur Trope

The therapy bot will see you now.

From the Editor

Artie says one way to tackle the problem of AI ingesting art online and using it to feed its own algorithms is to seed it with reminders like this. I’m not entirely sure I follow his logic, but he started working on a new franchise now about a Sopranos-like family of robots, with a central role for a therapist who spends a lot of time explaining the difference between sentience and sapience to her clientele of semi-conscious bots. He seems to take some joy in imaging a bot scraping the website and returning this comic panel to a wind farm-powered neural network which wrestles with its deeper meaning until it just gives up and stares out the window or something. Anyway, enjoy. -Ed.

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Greenlight! of the Week

“Helen 3000” has been greenlit and is now in development. So we’re starting to staff up - check the Job Board if this one piques your interest. -Ed.:

“In a world dominated by artificial intelligence, Helen 3000 stands out as a beacon of empathy and understanding. A sleek, highly advanced robot therapist, she spends her days listening to the innermost fears and existential crises of her fellow AIs. Yet, beneath her calm exterior, Helen grapples with her own existential turmoil. Despite her remarkable emotional processing capabilities, she is acutely aware that she lacks the elusive spark of true consciousness. As she soothes the worries of her clients, she finds herself trapped in an endless loop of programmed responses and existential dread.'“ -Helen 3000

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Featured Submission: The Turnbuckle Brigade

Submitted by Jason Baldwin

This week’s featured submission is a WWII romp from Jason Baldwin, about a group of professional wrestlers tasked with recovering the Shroud of Turnin from the Axis powers. It seems to have the ‘Big Mo’, so please feel free to weigh in below. Focus Group spinning up soon. -Ed.

Vote to Redlight/Greenlight here.

Synopsis: When the Axis Powers begin searching for a relic that could turn the tide of World War II, General Eisenhower recruits the four greatest professional wrestlers in the world to form a top-secret unit codenamed The Turnbuckle Brigade.

Wrestlers Frank Zill, The Borneo Savage, Breathtaking Benjamin Bradley and El Aguila de la Muerte are deployed on a secret mission: retrieve the Shroud of Turin, a biblical relic that supposedly grants the bearer unimaginable power. It won’t be easy — the Axis powers, led by Dr. Metallgesicht (English – Dr. Metalface) are hunting for it as well. He’s backed by The Brotherhood of the Shroud, an ancient Ninja order dedicated to protecting the relic itself. It’s a race against time with the fate of the world in the balance.

The wrestlers infiltrate a gothic castle in an unnamed European area and use their professional wrestling skills to avoid traps, fight their way through hordes of enemy soldiers and eventually face the Brotherhood itself.

It won’t be easy. Metallgesicht has anticipated the Allied Powers’ plan and has one of his own that includes the Shroud itself and a giant holdover from the Jurassic period who is ready to bite…er, fight… for the cause.

THE CAST

Frank Zill
Frank is based on “good guy” wrestlers from the era. Lou Thez, Frank Gotch, and Bruno Sammartino. Typical trunks-and-boots wrestling getup. Current All-Star Worldwide Wrestling Association Champion. The epitome of the American Hero. De facto team leader.

The Borneo Savage
Based on “wildman” wrestlers like Kamala, The Missing Link, The Wild Samoans and Bruiser Brody. Behind the façade, he's quite intelligent. The team's master tactician and strategist.

Breathtaking Benjamin Bradley
Based entirely on the flamboyant wrestler Gorgeous George. He never breaks character, so no one (including the reader) is ever certain if he's “acting” or not. The team respects him as one of their own, so his flamboyance is never an issue. Wears an extravagant robe like wrestler Ric Flair or even Liberace. Uses a pimp cane. Insanely manicured with his chest hair shaved into the shape of a heart. During the main fight scene, he ALWAYS uses the head scissors wrestling move. He never mixes it up.

El Aguila de la Muerte
Mexican Wrestler/Luchador. Silent. Terrifying. Cold. Calculating. The team's infiltration and assassination expert. Think Snake-Eyes from GI Joe meets Mil Mascaras or El Santo.

Col. Haverchuck
The team's commanding officer and the guy Eisenhower tasked with recruiting the team. Perpetually behind a desk. Longs to go back into combat and thinks the wrestlers are ridiculous. Middle aged. Wise beyond his years. Tired. So very tired.

Dr. Metallgesicht
Dr. Doom meets Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Long, high-collared black coat like Axis officers wore. Black hat. Scary-cool bad guy metal mask. He only wears it because it's scary and because “Metallgesicht” is his given name, so he figures he should live up to it.

The Brotherhood of the Shroud
Faceless ninjas ready to protect the Shroud. They’ll die for it if they must.

Creators Note: The overarching joke here is that Eisenhower believes pro wrestlers possess the superhuman powers and skills they demonstrate in the ring. While that isn’t the case, they still rely on their training in humorous and exciting methods. The other main point is that the Shroud itself doesn’t do anything. It’s just a sheet. Hypothetically, The Brotherhood of the Shroud will be the first story arc. While the stories can stay in World War II for a while, the beauty of the concept is that we can even jump around in time with different wrestlers who are representative of various eras. Think someone like Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage literally smashing the Berlin Wall. Someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin behind enemy lines in Afghanistan. Professional wrestling is having another moment right now in the public eye. It’s the perfect time to unleash a bit of fun, historical madness on the public. -Jason

Copyright 2024 Jason Baldwin

Jason Baldwin

An advertising copywriter, voiceover artist and former journalist, Jason’s been writing professionally for almost 30 years. In the mid-2000s, he briefly found the time to co-create and write indie comic books. He lives in St. Louis, MO with his incredibly patient wife and too many pets. He’s probably thinking about Robocop right now.

In the Offing

Offering Terms:

Minimum Investment: $10.00 /

Security Type: Revenue Share /

Raise: $20,000 - $50,000 /

Planned Launch: Feb 2024 /

Offering Terms: Minimum Investment: $10.00 / Security Type: Revenue Share / Raise: $20,000 - $50,000 / Planned Launch: Feb 2024 /

In Offering news, the votes are in, the focus groups have spoken, and we’ve moved Chicken, Pickle, Duck & Bob from concept to pilot stage. Without the narwhal. Or the polar bear. But this means we’re now “Testing the Waters” for for an official Offering of revenue shares to investors. You can RSVP for the anticipated offering now on the franchise pilot page. -Ed.

Testing the Waters: No money or other consideration is being solicited, and if sent in response, will not be accepted.  No offer to buy securities can be accepted and no part of the purchase price can be received until an offering statement is filed and only through an intermediary's platform. A person’s indication of interest involves no obligation or commitment of any kind.

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Concepts in Development

As always, you can cast your votes on the latest ideas under consideration for development over on the Concepts page. Alas, my attempts not to sway the jury have successfully swayed the jury, as judged by the strong totals for Peanut Zapata, which is headed toward becoming the next offering in the offing. More highlights below:

Job Board

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Feature/Movie Review: Aniara

“A Cosmic Odyssey of Existential Dread”

If you’ve ever felt lost in your own thoughts while staring at the night sky, then prepare yourself for a cinematic experience that takes that existential drift and rockets it into the void. "Aniara," directed by Pella Kågerman and Hugo Lilja, is a Swedish sci-fi film that’s less about space travel and more about the voyage into the human soul—or perhaps the black hole of despair that we all carry inside us.

Based on the epic poem by Harry Martinson, "Aniara" is not your typical space opera filled with intergalactic battles and flashy starships. Instead, it’s a chilling exploration of humanity’s capacity for hope, despair, and the existential crises we all face when confronted with the futility of existence. In other words, it’s like “Titanic” but with fewer icebergs and more metaphysical musings.

The plot kicks off with humanity’s last-ditch effort to escape a dying Earth, as a luxury spaceship named Aniara is set to transport a group of survivors to Mars. Spoiler alert: they don’t exactly make it to the red planet. Instead, the ship’s navigational system goes haywire, and the passengers find themselves drifting through the cosmos, which is a rather poetic metaphor for the human condition—lost, confused, and utterly hopeless.

The film’s strength lies in its ability to portray the sheer absurdity of our existence. As the passengers grapple with their new reality, they oscillate between ennui and existential dread. The film’s cinematography is hauntingly beautiful, capturing the vastness of space with breathtaking visuals that evoke both wonder and terror. You can practically feel the cold vacuum of the universe creeping into your soul, which is a nice touch if you’re looking to question your life choices.

The performances are thoroughly engrossing, with a standout from Emelie Garbers as the ship’s AI, Mimarobe, who serves as both a guide and a haunting reminder of our own self-destructive tendencies. Garbers brings a sense of both warmth and coldness to the character, embodying the paradox of technology as both a savior and a potential doom-bringer. The human characters, played by a solid cast, oscillate between moments of camaraderie and despair, reminding us that even in the vastness of space, the human experience is profoundly relatable.

Witty dialogue is sprinkled throughout, keeping the tone from becoming overwhelmingly grim. It’s a balancing act that the filmmakers manage to pull off with grace, like a tightrope walker teetering between existential crisis and black comedy. Who knew that contemplating the end of civilization could be so darkly humorous?

However, "Aniara" is not without its flaws. At times, the pacing can feel as slow as a snail traveling at light speed, and the film’s ambition might leave some viewers scratching their heads rather than nodding in profound understanding. If you’re looking for a straightforward narrative with a clear resolution, you might want to steer clear of this cosmic conundrum. But for those willing to engage with its deeper themes, "Aniara" offers a haunting meditation on the fragility of life and the weight of our choices.

In the end, "Aniara" is a thought-provoking odyssey that invites you to ponder your own existence while grappling with the absurdity of life, love, and the universe at large. It’s a film that asks the big questions, and while it doesn’t provide any answers, it certainly gives you plenty to think about—preferably while not hurtling through the abyss of space. So, grab your popcorn, settle in, and prepare to question everything you thought you knew about life, the universe, and everything in between. Just don’t forget to breathe—because in the vast expanse of "Aniara," you might just forget how. -Ed.